how to have a successful pity party

Yesterday was a tough one for me.   My body has multiple sclerosis and it chose yesterday to remember that.

I had plans – fun plans.  They didn’t work

So I threw myself a pity party instead.    It worked.    Today my body is feeling stronger.  My spirit is back in shape too.

While I don’t throw these parties often, when I do – I go for it.

Here are some things I try to remember to have a successful pity party:

1.  Make it a finite thing.   I have an “official pity party box”.   It’s a 12″x12″ box (thanks to Tom!) decorated with pics (like a woman tied to a railroad track) and sayings (like “What good is a disease if you can’t use it?”).  Inside the box is Stuff ( e.g. love letters, my dad’s prayer book, false eye lashes, paper dolls, bubble wrap, wooden puzzle toys, etc).    Also inside are two tapes (remember them?) – BBKING and Patsy Cline.  I choose one of the tapes to listen to – when that music ends so does the party.

And yes, sometimes it’s a two-tape party.   Thankfully, not often.

2. Let go of guilt. We feel what we feel.   While I’m all for “sucking it up” in tough times, sometimes ya just have to move through it to get over it.  Pity parties do not equal living a life of sadness, hopelessness and despair.   Everybody DOES get the blues.   Ride that wave to the shore.   When you get to the beach-  stand up, dust off the sand and move on.

3.  Remember that you’re not alone. Everyone is cracked.  We’re all just dealing with our cracks in the ways that make the most sense to us.  Friends are a huge help with this.   Even though your actual pity party will probably be a private affair, letting dear friends know you need one is a gift for all.   After all, isn’t the sharing in the afterglow of a great bash often as fun as the gig itself?

So this is what I try to remember when I’m in need of a good pity party.   How ’bout you?

17 thoughts on “how to have a successful pity party

  1. Thanks for the instructions! Here I’ve been doing it all wrong for years. Maybe now I can get it right!

  2. Lisa, I love reading your blog. This one, especially, really hit home. I need to find my Patsy Cline CD–perfect choice! Have a lovely time with your friends. Peace.

  3. Robin, so glad this post hit home for you. While it makes me sad to think of you needing a pity party, i bet yours absolutely ROCK!
    i send you all that is good.

  4. I definitely think it’s important to let yourself be upset every once and awhile. Though I strive to focus on the positive these days, I do think it’s important to feel whatever you need to when you need to feel it. The more you hold back on feeling (good or bad) the more difficult it is to be truly happy in my opinion.

  5. My husband and I can so associate with you; he has pancreatic cancer that was diagnosed 8 months ago. He is fighting so bravely and says that God is not ready for him yet! Our pity party can be very tearful but very short lived! We have just had to learn that every day is beautiful and make it count!

  6. Corrine,
    thanks so much for letting me know about what you and your husband are juggling. please know i hold you both and all of your family in my heart.

  7. don’t really have a hard getting into the party, but getting out is the trick for me. So here’s what I do: recall the sight of a kitchen sink lying on what had been my beach, deposited there by a hurricane. And I remember that everything changes all the time and I better ride with it.

  8. One of my favorite quotes is, “The only way through it is through it.” We often look for detours and shortcuts, but that just delays getting through the tough times. “This too shall pass” is another quote that’s always helpful.

    And if nothing else works, I just think of lots of corny quotes, and that makes me laugh. I just put fertilizer on my lawn this morning….to make it grow. Laughter does the same thing for my soul.

  9. What can I say other than I love you? You are so….you! Thank you for sharing! I shall try to remember your advice the next time I host my own party!

  10. lisa girl~ you’re still “holdin’ your own” and don’t you ever, for one second forget that…
    i totally believe it is your attitude and your relationship with spirit, (plus a whole bunch of friends and family and tom) and this
    incredible fierce determination you keep re-discovering, that works for you. you are a miracle girl~
    times i think of other people all over the country with m.s. too: i pray
    they will find your “spirit words” and your courage and your laughter and your
    mischief…please be feeling better soon my dear friend! thank you for writing about your “pity parties” when you weren’t feeling too good…

  11. Hey You…I love Patsy Cline…can I come to your next party. (Smile and know you are still a hero to the many who are fortunate enough to have been a part of your life and who love you) 🙂

  12. PP ~ yep, balance is such a key eh? thanks for your ongoing positive vibes!

    Carol ~ LOVE the kitchen sink image. THANKS. may your parties be few and finite, friend!

    thanks, Tom. here’s to healing fertilizer and MUCH laughter!

    Mary Louise ~ loud cheers, thanks and love to you, too!

    JStone ~ not to fret dear Mistress of Mischief and Miracles. am absolutely on the mend!! hope you can say the same.

    Rick ~ awwwwwwwwwww shucks. thanks. i send you all that is good.

  13. Lisa, LOVE YOUR BLOG!
    I have a favorite quote that I found on a card when my dad was going through chemo. I still have it hanging on the wall. “If you think you’re going through Hell…Keep Going” (W.Churchill). We all go through bad times but you have to keep going to get through it. Thanks for all you do.

  14. thanks, Leslie ~ for the kind words and the Churchill quote. AMEN!

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