Last week my sister was told she has stage 4 lung/lymph/liver cancer. Mari is my only sib and best friend. One month from today she will turn 65. This sucks – bigtime.
Mari is more concerned about the rest of us than herself. I’m hoping that shifts soon. I’m hoping for a lot more, too.
In betwixt and between, our family and friends are joining forces and doing what we can – the best we can. I imagine that every single one of you reading this has been through a similar experience. It’s a balancing act, to be sure. Trying to stay focused on Mari while we’re all so scared is tough.
It’s also sacred.
Monday I had my own private “No one on the planet has ever hurt this bad” Day. It worked. Now I feel better prepared to be present to what’s important – the life my sister Is Living. Yep, it’s sacred. And yep, I’m scared.
Please know, I’m not looking for condolences here. This is life. So I’d love to know ~ how do YOU do it?
16 thoughts on “scared sacred”
I’ve lost 2 loved ones to cancer and a friend. All I can think of is to enjoy and cherish every moment that you spend with them and believe that God heals!
Dear lady, it’s so simple and so very hard: a day at a time.
And being present in love.
You already know how to do those.
Know that so many of us are lifting you up in prayer. That helps, too.
When my grandmother got sick, we were all so devasted we spent a lot of time grieving before she actually died. Cherish every sacred moment and above ALL else, LAUGH as much as possible 🙂 God is great!
when I am losing my breathe from the pain of loving someone who I think is going away, I do this – I think about the best moments of being with her and know she is still with me. and the other thing when I start thinking about how horrible it will be – I say “this is it, this is all I have this very minute” .
Oh Lisa…I’m so very sorry. When my brother was diagnosed with leukemia in 1992 we were all thrown into a tailspin. It is so hard…but taking things one day at a time is all…celebrate the good days and console on the bad ones…and cherish every minute you have with Mari. You are right…life is sacred…embrace it. I know you will be a great source of strength and faith for Mari. Remember to take are of yourself at the same time. Prayers are with both of you.
So what I often do when I feel I am at the end of my rope or things are out of my control is talk to a very dear friend named Lisa. She reminds me to breathe. She reminds me to breathe and to let go of what I can’t control. She helps me to remember to focus on what is important and valuable. She reminds me to celebrate the simple things in life (like omelettes). I hope I can be that kind of friend to her. Celebrate (and cry) WITH Mari and don’t forget to BREATHE.
Oh, I am with you on this journey. Living is truly what you, Mari and your family will do in the precious days ahead. While sharing the days i had left with my dear friend, Beth, no day was the same and many happier than I could have ever created on my own.
Presence is the key – presence to Mari and presence to your own need for care. Don’t forget the basics: eat when you’re hungry, drink when you’re thirsty, laugh as often as you can and share your tears as yours may invite other to share their own
In peace, Carrie
Lisa, take life one day at a time. It’s the AA Motto, but it should be our Life Motto.
Spend every minute that you can with your sister. It will be part of your fonds memories down the road. When my dad was diagnosed with Chronic Lymphatic Leukemia, the doctor told us it would be a year or less. She was overly-optimistic. At the time I had a 3 year old and 4 month old twins. Babysitters, friends, and neighbors helped watch my babies while I spent time with dad. We would just sit and talk. All our old issues were ironed out. I learned things about him that shocked me, made me laugh, and helped me understand him.
Look at this as an opportunity to get even closer to your sister.
All I know to share is to “be there fully”. Like everyone else has said, take it one day at a time, breathe, and spend all the time you can together.
And be fully present to every part of everyday…the good as well as the bad.
And give lots of hugs!!!!!! I figure hugs take care of lots of things and helps us to talk without saying a word!!!!!
You know what to do, my friend. Be yourself. Be the person you have always been with your best friend and sister. Hold onto each opportunity you have to be yourself. Speak honestly… you deserve this and so does your sis. Just be you, my friend. You have all you need inside of you… and so does your Sis. God has given us everything we need!
(((((((((((((((((((HUGS and PRAYERS))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Love, love, love….
All of these comments are so very right….
…but I find that cussin’ sometimes also helps! 🙂
Loving you, my Lisa, and lifting you & Mari up.
Lisa, I had to write this, you made me think. Wishing you and Mari peace and joy and time to do everything you want to do. hugs, rox
dear Lois, Amma (aka Robin), Alecia, Carol, Lee, Susan, Carrie, Cheryl, Judi, Mary Ann, Mary Louise, Pickett and Rox ~ deep and humble bows of thanks and so much love. i and all those in your lives are blessed by your wisdom and generosity.
Write a letter WITH Mari. Turn it into a book WITH Mari. Add photos; draw funny little pictures; put in small mementos you’ve shared together. Tell each other what you mean to each other – and why. Share information about your favorite games you’ve played and what “that quiet day together” was all about. Write about the silly secrets you kept from your parents – and how you used a flash light under the covers to read the last few pages of your picture book. Tell how a certain gift – one to the other affected you. Show photos of the “happiest moments” you shared and about how you collected fire flies and used them as a lantern – and then set them free.
What about the time you combined your pennies to purchase a gift for your mother – or the time you held your best friend’s hand because she was not feeling well. Make a scrap book now – and leave it as a scrap book – or turn it into a printed book. TOGETHER you will enjoy making it and looking at it. And – later, you and others who have continued to love – will celebrate the WHAT HAS BEEN and the WHAT IS NOW – by looking at your SPECIAL BOOK. Call it the name that is JUST RIGHT (just write) for this special book. But do it – or do a TREASURE BOX – TOGETHER – of “rememberables” that later YOU can make into a book. Dong this – can bring great joy to all of you – who have SO MUCH love to share.
And perhaps, when you can, you will share your memories with the rest of us – who ALSO need a peek into “how to do it” during the toughest of times.
MUCH love from,
The Kindred Spirit.
THANKS KS ~ for this suggestion AND for that mailbox on Sunset Beach, which had brought me so much peace over the years.