My word for this year is LEARN.
So it just makes sense to use this Year of Sundays to reflect on 52 of my most significant Life Lessons. Some may seem more significant than others, but they’ve all changed how I live my life in powerful way. I’d love to hear if and how any of these same lessons have surfaced in the classroom of Your Life.
Oh, and I’m not offering them in any particular order. OK, here we go…
This, like many of the Life Lessons I’ll offer this year, is what my friend Damon calls a BGO (blinding glimpse of the obvious). Just because a Lesson is obvious, doesn’t mean it’s not a Lesson. I bet you’ll see THAT as one of my Lessons later this year. Anyhoooo…
One year ago today, my sister died. So many of you have walked with me through this huge shift in my life. Too many of you have been through a similar shift in your own life. It sucks.
I’ve spent much of this year wishing I could be one of those zen chicks who just sailed through the loss like I understood why it happened and how it all fit into The Plan. I’m not one of those chicks though. I don’t think I’d want to spend much time with anyone who is, because I’d just keep looking for the cracks in her superhero suit. Instead, I got really mad at God. I got mad at my sister, too. I even got mad at people who still had their sisters. Basically, I got mad.
I did try to use my inside voice when I felt the maddest, but I stayed mad. And I let it be all.about.me.
Then a funny thing happened – the anger eased a bit.
Bit by bit, I felt less mad. I forgave my sister first. Then I forgave those of you who still have your sisters. I forgave God last. I held onto that anger the longest because I knew she could handle it ;).
Then the smiles I was smiling at those of you who live outside of my head started reaching my eyes. I laughed more and cried less.
As some of you may remember, on Mari’s birthday I cooked and ate things she loved and did things that mattered to her. Yep, it was a day of pumpkin pie, country music, freshly vacuumed carpet ridges and many, many memories. I listened to the mp3 recordings I have of some of her voicemails to me. I laughed and cried – a lot. It was a beautiful and holy day. I got That Connection to my sister back.
I still cry everyday, but most of the time, I’m smiling as I cry. And it still sucks, but now when I think of how much it sucks – I think of vacuuming, which makes me think of Mari. That makes me remember my sister’s smile. And that makes me smile.
So many of you who are farther down this road of missing someone you love have warned me that The Firsts will be toughest: birthday, Holidays, death anniversary, etc. I thank you for the warnings. You helped me prepare. Preparing helps. And here’s what I’m figuring out works best for me – just show up.
I thought I might make some special plans for 11:08 on 01.06.13, in memory of Mari. Right now, I think I’m just going to wake up, see what happens and Be There while it’s happening – right after I vacuum.
Miss you Mari. Love you best…